Recommended Reading for The Days We Live In

We decided to set the month of July aside to interview authors that we found interesting and compelling in one way or another. Some of these were recommendations from other people, but we were extremely pleased with the final eight that made the cut.

Once most of them were recorded, I could look at them as a whole and realize some consistency, even though they are all quite different.

1. The books were not about theology.

It didn’t take long in my deconstruction journey to get tired of the new progressive theology. Don’t get me wrong, a few of the points were valid, and I needed to make some decisions about what I believe, but very soon, I realized that theologians, platforms, and endorsement trading get very old very quickly. It’s just a codependency that I don’t need in my life at this time. I can still have connections, friendships, and community without sacrificing my energy, money, and volunteer labor to the latest theologian with a new idea about interpreting ancient Scriptures. Hundreds of thousands are coming to the same conclusions intuitively, and theologians are cashing in on them as always.

2. Only one was a man

We are at a point in time where white males need to give up their seats to let marginalized groups and women move forward. We did a conference called Leaning Forward this past year where we had only women speak. I see conferences where women are included minimally, along with token queer people and people of color, but they still revert back to white male patriarchy almost without thinking. I am on a record-breaking pace with my personal reading this year. I am reading people of color, queer folx, and women so much that I have to recover occasionally because it enlightens and challenges me greatly.

3. More Survivor Stories

The women in our Leaning Forward conference challenged us to listen to survivor stories, especially of women. Most men in ministry read books about leadership and theology. They generally don’t understand what marginalized groups experience deeply because they don’t listen to their stories. I would recommend all people who are deconstructing to do as much healing work as you can possibly afford and fill your reading list with stories of marginalized people, including lots of women’s survivor stories.

Here are some other books on my completed reading list:

– Looking for Alaska by John Green

– All Boys Aren’t Blue by George M. Johnson

– In My Time of Dying by Sebastian Junger

– The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison

– Healing Trauma by Peter Levine

– The Things They Carried by Tim O’Brien

– Someone You Love is Gay by Brandon Park

– Inner Engineering by Sadguru

– Tibetan Book of the Dead

Discover who you are, read stories, heal, and keep asking questions.

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Karl Forehand is a former pastor, podcaster, and award-winning author. His books include Out into the Desert, Leaning Forward, Apparent Faith: What Fatherhood Taught Me About the Father’s Heart, The Tea Shop, and Being: A Journey Toward Presence and Authenticity. He is the creator of The Desert Sanctuary podcast and community. He has been married to his wife Laura for 35 years and has one dog named Winston. His three children are grown and are beginning to multiply! You can read more about the author here.

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2 responses to “Recommended Reading for The Days We Live In”

mermaid55

July 4, 2024 at 10:49 am

Be careful about using phrases like “letting women…..” White males did not “grant women the right to vote” we made them do it. I don’t let men— Here’s a suggestion of things that worked in the past. In the 1980s, our lesbian and gay church in the Castro had a six to eight week program— men were about 90% of the church and women about 10%. But we were radical lesbian feminists, a species that is QUITE aggressive and relentless. We challenged the men to a duel so to speak. The living room 6-8 week discussion groups were created with 50% men in them and 50% women. Since there were so few women in the church, the groups filled up fast and no exceptions were made 50-50 no exception.

So naturally, about 80% of the men couldn’t get into a group. THAT made a huge point that shocked them. They had been used to always changing the rules to accommodate them. The next rule was when we went around in a circle with each person getting a chance to speak, no two men would talk in a row. But two women could speak in a row.

The men were shocked at the world of radical lesbian feminists, we came from lesbian only culture, and lesbians created a huge network globally that had nothing to do with men at all. It was a great experience and we all learned a lot about each other.

I actually do want to have very honest conversations with white straight men. But they are often fearful and angry when I speak my mind. I always have to warn them that I will not be silent, they will be threatened. Men fear any loss of conversational power, they are unaccustomed to not controlling the structures of conversation. What would happen if this changed? I have very low expectations, and I am brutal in my ideas. So white men, be forewarned and don’t forget, dominaters ruin women’s conversations often without even knowing this.

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mermaid55

July 4, 2024 at 11:05 am

Hey Karl,

I thought it interesting that you said “white straight men need to step aside….” something to that effect. I’m a radical lesbian feminist, my spouse of almost 50 years is a minister in Metropolitan Community Churches. We are global activists, and I have worked for decades in the very conservative, white male financial services industry. I was an OUT lesbian feminist in that world, and very very good at my job. When money was the measure, most white straight men will accommodate, and I had access to worlds those men could never learn about.

But let’s get back to the “white straight men need to step aside…” idea. First of all, white straight men in America are freaking out. It’s how Trump emerged. But, and I have never ever seen this happen, white straight men can have productive REAL conversations in small group settings or one-on-one. I always am suspicious of “liberal” men who think they can control the dialogue or lump us all into that lesbian erasing alphabet soup LGBTQI etc. LESBIAN is a powerful word dating back to Sappho. “Queer” is a meaningless word, and often women use it because the word lesbian is SO exclusionary. Yes, lesbian means women who are totally attracted to other women. It also means men don’t get to invade our spaces, no negotiation, no mercy. White straight men naturally want male rights anyway they can come up with a work around. So beware of this. Right wing conservative men have provided more air time, more public space to lesbian feminists. Oh the irony right?

This is long, I don’t speak in sound bites, but real conversation is very difficult. I love social media, because I have POWER, men can’t stop me and they are unaccustomed to this new set of rules. Everything in the west was set up to accommodate white straight men, traditionally the aristocracy and the clergy. So give this some thought. Good luck, Audrey Lockwood

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